My Last love letter

When I admitted myself that I’m in love with you, I also told myself that there’s no use going against my heart.

So I decided to just go with the flow. I loved you with all my heart. In spite of all the pains and the sufferings.

But now I have to let go.

It will never be easy.

I know cause I’ve tried for like gazillion times now. 

But I have to try again. I have to.

Because the pain became unbearable.

But you know what, it’s not all about pain.

It’s more of an acceptance in my part.

I now wholeheartedly understand that we are not meant to be together.

That no matter how much I’m willing to love and wait for you, there’s just no way that we will end up happily together.

Why?

Because you see, this thing I have for you is so extreme that even I can’t get a hold of it.

Secondly, even if you tell me you love me I won’t believe you. I guess you know why.

But I want you to know that you will always be a part of my life.

You played an important and influential role in my life that’s not easy to forget.

So no, I’m not gonna be hard on myself, I won’t try to forget you because the memories I have of you bring smiles and tears in me.

Surprised? 

I know you wonder what memories are those…

Ok let me share you this secret.

Voice out the name of the person you love. Think about that person. 
Do you feel that thing inside your heart? 
That overflowing emotion that makes your heart big? 
That’s what I always feel whenever I think of you. 

And I was able to preserve all of those wonderful feelings. 

Both happy and sad.

And I’m gonna remember all of those everytime i remember your name, or if someone mentions your name.

I’m gonna remember how you shaped me to be who I am today, 
scared of loving again, tough, and resilient 
but more compassionate and more grateful and mature when it comes to love.

You made me fragile but sturdy at the same time. 

Thank you for being nice to me. For being honest and for being there for me. You will always be here in my heart, in the most bottom part of it. 
It will always be exclusively yours. I love you. Always have, always will.

im starting another blog.
a blog that will talk about me. the real me.
not about him.

yes, i used to blog a lot about what i feel for him in HERE
my other blogs say "my random thoughts" and "all about me" but 'twas too late
when i realized that they wasnt about me anymore. those blogs became about him.

i wasnt aware that i forgot about myself because he was all i think about.
but i got tired. i realized i should find my old self that i lost because of loving him too much.
i need to save me from losing myself.
and I will start it by making this new account and this time it will talk about me for real :)