Subtextual

Everything about us was subtextual.

We weren't supposed to talk about us.

We weren't supposed to let people know.

We weren't supposed to clear things or make anything complicated.

That was what we were. 

Practically nothing.

We were something that are nothing.

A pseudo-something.

What we had, it felt like love at first... or something that actually existed.

if not mutual understanding atleast anything like that.

I felt like i always wanted to talk to you, to connect or anything.

But things got out of hand...

It became hideous and uncontrollable.

It became something to be afraid of.

And it wasn't supposed to be like that.

Inexplicit... that's how we were supposed to be.

Your Groom is my best man

My guy best friend is getting married!

No, it can't be right.

I just felt a stab in my chest.

I can't breathe. 

It's too much of i can handle!

For so long i've been his only girl.

The apple of his eyes.

How could he do this to me?!

How could he not tell me that he's serious with that marrying thing he always tells me. 

How could i not took him seriously?

I guess i've been so confident that i will always be his girl. 

His only girl. Hah!

No, I'm not ready yet to see him with another girl.

Call me selfish or whatever, but he's my best friend. 

He's the only consistent guy in my life for 10 long years. 

With him i can be with myself: Messy hair, loose clothes, loud voice, crazy laugh, mood swings, even foul mouth. 

He never judged me. 

He never expected anything from me. 

We can stay together in one room for days without getting uncomfortable.

We get mad at each other, argue with each one's opinion, but at the end of the day, we simply laugh about it and tell each other "you win" "no, you win"

So tell me, how can i just give him my blessing to get married?

How can i not be bitter about it?

It's not that i'm jealous because i have a thing for him... trust me, i'm not and i don't.

I'm just afraid that things wont be the same between us ever again.

Who am i fooling? 

Of course things wouldn't be the same again, would it?