9 years :)

With the things that I have experienced and the hardships I have been through, I learned to be more grateful will all the things that I've been receiving from Him.

Because of the men that God sent us, I have learned to look at things in different perspective, to look at life in its brighter side, to find beauty even in the most miserable situation, and to be thankful even in the middle of chaos.

Despite of being insignificant and unworthy, I am undoubtedly blessed. 

I can feel the love of the Almighty working in me, helping me get through every day. 

It's been 9 years but there’s still so much to learn, so much to see, and so much to do. 

There may be days when everything seems working against me, or I don’t appreciate things or I unconsciously take things for granted, but at the end of the day I know He is the reason why I can still sleep comfortably or wake up the next morning with an overflowing gratitude in my heart. 

It is overwhelming to learn that no matter how infinitesimal I am in all His infinite creation, I am well loved and blessed of so many gifts. That no matter how small I am, I am a part of something magnificent and grand. I belong to his Church. I am one of those who are blessed to witness the unfolding of God’s truth and kindness.

God gave me more than I need. And with that I am eternally grateful. To God be the Glory. J

The pain of dreaming you.

Last night, I dreamt a lovely dream.

In that dream, there was you and me.

we were together, doing amazing things.

In that dream, the day couldn't get any better.

We were the awesomest and we were infinite.

Like nothing could take us apart.

And i woke up.

And it hurts.

The pain of waking up from a wonderful dream hit me real hard.

But I didn't gave up that easily. Not even reality can bring me down.

So I tried to sleep again.

And I tried my hardest.

And I stayed in bed for like 4-5 hours just so I could be with you again...

even if it's just in dream...

But the irony chose to play a joke on me in the most perfect timing!

And it did its job perfectly well!

... coz just when I needed sleep more, 

the sleepiness failed to find its way to me.

I miss you love.

I met The Jason Magbanua!

November 7. This was the day my co-researchers and I had been waiting.
The day we were scheduled to meet the "Rockstar" of the Wedding Film making.

The Jason Magbanua!

We were to see him at 3:00 in the aftie but as early as 10 am we were already hitting the road.
(spell excited huh?!)

When we finally met him, dude, the feeling was just W.O.W!

Never did I imagine that the maker of the wedding vids that I only get to see in the youtube, was already infront of me and talking to me as if we're an old friends!

After the 1 and a half hour of interview and picture taking, (oh yeah, we wont let the chance pass just like that)

..so yeah after the interview, he walked us to his office which was still under construction,

we got into his car and drove us to his home so he could give us his newly launched coffee table book and said he'll sign it after our research study is done. yeah yeah it means we'll be seeing him again :D

And oh! before i forget, we're scheduled to see him again in a month from now. but this time we're gonna see him in action! We're gonna see how he do his craft!

Yeah dude, how's that for being awesome huh!?

Can't wait for that date! 

I'm excited! :)

I never believe in soulmate, 

but i want to believe we're more than that.

Memory of my great love

Today I had an assessment.

And today I’m gonna write how I have been when I loved him.

How I have lost my identity when I fell greatly inlove with him.

I tried to be the person whom I'm thought he would appreciate.
I have lot of flaws but he made me want to be perfect.
I dwell in his existence.
I tricked myself into thinking that we're meant for each other when in reality we may as well be strangers.

I’ve been true to him.

I faithfully loved him that a thousand miles distance was never a hindrance.

I’ve waited endlessly. Tiredlessly. even though I know how it will just break my heart, I never cared.
I was completely broken but i never care.

I have loved him more than I should. More than I have loved anyone.
without expecting anything in return though the word unrequited was water clear.

I never looked at anyone.

Never entertained anyone.

I am practically a beggar for his love.

Even the chance seems impossible, I held on tightly to that little hope I had in my heart for us.

But I know now, there is no us.
Never had and there would never be.

I was hurting everyday.
I practically lived with pain everyday.

Along with my love for him is the pain it brings that I have to endure every moment.


I used to tell myself that I should stop loving him so the pain would stop too; but even I never believe me.


But not anymore.
He lost me.
Ahm, no, scratch that. It would be a lie.
He didn't lost me. The truth is he never found me.
He never saw me and I don't know if he even bother to look at me.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at him. Never was and never will be.
In fact I still cry at times he cross my mind.
I cry because I think I've wasted too much time and too much love for him;
But when I remember why I loved him in the first place, I smile and say
"He was worth it, silly!"


He had a special place in my heart and I can never change that fact
but this story of my great love is all over now. Those were all yesterday's feelings.
Something behind me that'll make me smile everytime I look back.
A memory.

A memory of my great love.

Learning the Art of Pain

I read from somewhere that "If you continuously ignore people, you're teaching them to live without you."


Annnddddd NO. 


I didn't mean it to be that way.


I need you not to learn living without me when in the first place I'm not even sure if I come across your mind even once in awhile. Maybe yes. Perhaps not.


But I don't want to care anymore. I'm done caring, I guess.


But...


I am the one who's trying to learn here... 


learning to live without thinking of you, without talking to you, without expecting anything from you, without waiting for you.


So you see, I am the one who's trying to learn living without you...


And I am learning the art of it. :)

Business w/out pleasure is not fun!

“Sorry, I don’t mix business with pleasure.”

Of course I didn’t tell him that.

First, because I thought it would be offending on his part, 

second, I didn't want to sound so conceited haha. (kagandahan?)

So I told him, “trust me, I’m better off as your friend” instead.

Oh yeah, gimme a break! It wasn’t euphemism. 

I was never a euphemist. 

In fact, I am never good with words. I always suck voicing what I feel.

So yeah, I was telling the truth. 

That I don’t mix business with pleasure and I am a better friend than a girlfriend. And I hate it! Haha.