11th year with YOU.

I never completely understood what it meant to be alive until I finally found You.
I know I’m totally undeserving, but the void in my heart is filled with Your overwhelming love.
Often times, I think about how privileged I am to be chosen by You.
 I’ve been wondering what I’ve done to deserve this kind of love.
An unfathomable love that gives me immense joy.
A love that is so much bigger than all my doubts and fears.

No matter how many times I’ve questioned and rejected You,
You're always there to welcome me back.

It’s humbling to know that amidst my faults and flaws,
You are always and will always be there to embrace me.

Today, marks my 11th year in the Church.
I can say that everything has been so great.
I’ve been so blessed to be surrounded by amazing people who has been helping me become a better person.

Thank You for your constant love, for your words, daily miracles, and unending grace.
Looking at things in a different perspective has refreshed my whole being.
Ever since I've been with You, I’m a completely different person.

I have never been so content and grateful knowing that I am safe in Your love.
A love so real and beautiful.
A love that has slowly unfolded right in front of me, embraced me as a whole, and constantly pursued me. Thank You for your unspeakable gift.

To The Love of my Life

Today I wanna take you back to a time in my life when I had nothing and no one else but my selfish self. There was a time when I so desperately don't know what to do with my life.

It was an awful phase.
And then depression came in and I gained weight. Lots of it you know :)

I lost my will to live life, to laugh, to enjoy the things the world offers.
Until I met the person who changed my life.

(Well that escalated quickly.)

I’ve never been religious. I used to go to Catholic Church once or twice a year.
Until my mom asked me to listen to this preacher...

The first time I heard him preach, I think I felt this thing called love at first hear.

After a few more nights of attending the indoctrination, I finally decided to give in.
I let go of my stubbornness… of the resistance I was feeling upon sumbitting myself in the baptism.

And the world started to feel right.
My insides got squishy and warm and I finally garnered enough courage to say the “Yes, I accept.”

I held His words and my response dearly close to my heart, and with all my being from that moment on, I love Him like I’ve never loved... like the world has never hurt me before.

He made me believe again.
He made me see things from a different perspective.
He made me want to become better for me, and for the people that I love.
He made me see that everything will be better someday...
that no matter how much you are hurting today… tomorrow… to that promised day… everything will heal.

He made me feel all that.

After and beyond all my awfulness, he made me feel again.

As I write these last few lines I try to remember everything good and bad, and how it will all be worth it in the end.

For you, my love, I hope this letter reaches you someday, and I want to tell You just how much it took for me to love You in every single way that I could, despite all my shortcomings, I’m trying.
I’m just a flawed person trying to love like she’s never loved before.

I pray to God for your good health and His continuous guidance to you... that you continue to do your sworn duty to God… that you take care of the people you love, and that you remember that there are people who love you and thankful to God because of you.

Yours always,
K

Someone is not just anyone

If you are a close friend of mine, you know that lately I've been involved in some issues.
Issues I don't even want to discuss here cause it's freaking embarrassing and until now I don't get why I've been implicated in that thing.

I guess all I really wanna say is people should know that I don’t really chase people.
I don’t fight for them. Not even try.

I don't constantly communicate with anyone.
If someone decides to stop communicating with me, then that's it.
I won't go after them.
'cause the way I see it is that if they are worth my time they won’t let me go.

I don’t want to have to run after them just for them to break my heart, to heighten those walls I have.
These walls are the product of the pains I've been through.

And honestly, right now, all I want is someone who will break that barrier...
who will find me worthy of this chase, of their patience.

I want someone who I know will never leave me, and who will walk this road with me.

I want someone, not just anyone.

A Lady in a Pink Sporty Shoes

There are days and moments when you just have to wear a dress. 

And yesterday was my day!

Actually, I'm not really into dresses since I'm a bit fleshy.

But then again, I asked myself, why not?

So I wear this basic black floral dress that was given to me by a friend. 

(Who make these kind of dresses and sell them online.)

(Instagram: @datgirl)

The cut of this dress is a bit flowy, and since I wanted to add a little bit of cuteness in it I paired it with my pink (Yes, pink!) sporty but lady-like shoes. 

Some people have this connotation that these kind of shoes will give you a rugged aura, guess i'm proving them wrong, right?

This outfit for me is chic and comfy.

The watch that I'm wearing is the only accessory I have. 

(purchased from https://www.facebook.com/click2shoppe) 

One can be so girly without having too much accessories you know :) 

Being Single is a Bliss

Tips-to-know-you're-inlove blogs are too cliche so I'm not gonna bother feeding you nonsense things about the over rated feelings of being inlove.

Instead, let's discuss about the advantages of being free from this overwhelming feeling of "Pagsinta".

Maybe you're thinking, bakit parang ang bitter ko?

I'm not. Di naman masyadowwww!

It's just that I've been there, and I've done that. 

And yes, it was bitter-sweet, but mostly, puro kabitteran lang! haha

Minsan kasi 3 buwan tayong kikiligin, and then 6 na buwan tayong magmu-move on pag nabroken heart.

O kaya naman, isang buong taon kang deds na deds sa jowa mo,

tas pag nagbreak kayo, all your life, mamumuhi ka sa loko!

Yap, Irony of life.

C'est la vie.

So let's go back to our topic, bakit nga ba minsan mas okay na hindi tayo inlove?

Here's why:

1. Mas matalino tayo when it comes to decision-making.

Nagiging rational, logical, at sensible ang isang tao pagdating sa paggawa ng desisyon kung walang kasamang intense emotion. Isang halimbawa ang pagbibigay natin ng matinong advice kung hindi tayo ang involve. 

We give advice base sa kung ano yung alam nating tama, hindi sa kung ano yung nararamdaman natin. 

Kaya nga minsan sabi ng iba, things are easier said than done. Kasi madalas pag tayo na yung involve, yung ini-advise natin, tayo mismo di natin magawa. Kasi nga, malakas maka-tanga ang pagsinta. 

Kahit alam mong mali, minsan kiber tayo, kasi iba ang itinitibok ng puso sa idinidikta ng Logical Hemisphere natin. (Taray, Logical Hemisphere!) 

Kaya madalas pag inlove ang isang tao, nalalagay sa alanganin ang kaniyang logical intelligence. Fail di ba!?

2. Stress-free.  

We're free from stress when we're not in a relationship nor inlove. 

We don't have to worry about other peole. 

Like, kung kumain na ba siya? 

Where is he?

 Bakit di siya nagtetext? 

Bakit di nagchachat? Walang tweet? 

Bakit di ni-like yung status ko sa facebook?

What is he doing? 

Does he still love me? 

May kasama kaya siyang ibang babae? 

Worries like these are the ultimate stressor!

Susundan pa ng away dito, away doon. 

Selos dito, selos doon. 

And eventually, ang inyong dating kulay pulang mundo dahil sa pagmamahalan, ay magiging kulay pula dahil sa sakitan. 

At pag hindi mo na kaya, maiisip mong worth it kaya ang lahat ng sakit na pinagdadaanan ko? 

Nakakastress! 

Nakakapanget! 

Nakakasira ng magandang ugali!

3. Hindi dependent sa isang tao lang ang happiness mo.

When you're not inlove, yung pagiging masaya mo hindi nakasalalay lang sa isang tao. 

Hindi SIYA lang ang center ng universe mo. 

There are a lot of things to be happy about. 

Mas maaappreciate mo na you were blessed with wonderful PEOPLE kapag hindi nakaasa ang kaligayahan mo sa taong kinahuhumalingan mo! (Take note of that, people not person)

When you're inlove, pag may hindi ka nagustuhang kilos ng iniirog mo, maghapong sira na ang araw mo. Taken for granted na ang mga nasa paligid mo. 

Yung happiness na dapat sana ay ihinalakhak mo maghapon, wala, ruined na ng isang tao.

Sayang di ba!

4. You need not to settle for less.

Kagaya nga ng sinabi ko, madalas bobo tayo pag inlove. 

Muntanga lang!

Pag gusto natin yung isang tao, we tend to overlook their shortcomings. 

Kunwari level up yung standard mo tas pag nainlove ka, deflated to zero lahat ng paninindigan mo! 

Sobrang fail di ba!

Kaloka ka! 

Wag kang tanga, wag mong ibaba yung standard mo dahil lang sa isang tao. 

In the long run of your relationship, hahanapin at hahanapin mo pa rin yung akma sa panlasa mo. 

Why settle for less kung pwede mo namang makuha yung talagang gusto mo? 

Wag kang sabik, Chill lang! 

Cliche man, hindi pa rin nawawala sa uso ang kasabihang "Patience is a virtue."

These are some of the things that runs through my beautiful head whenever someone teases me  for not having a boyfriend. Like I've said: been there, done that. 

Trust me, hindi worth it ang panandaliang kilig sa sakit na dulot ng isang taong temporary lang rin naman ang kontribusyon sa istorya ng buhay natin! 

Chill! Smile! Maganda tayo! Panindigan na natin! 

I Love Bonchon Chicken

"I'm not really a big fan of chicken." 

buttttt.....

BonChon has made me turn my back to that statement!

Seriously, everytime i think of wanting to eat in a fast food, Bonchon is the first to come in my mind.

It is now probably one of my favorite stops in the world! 

And I know that no one would argue with me when i say that it really does deliver its promise of good chicken. 

Their Chicken is the best I've tasted so far.

It also has to be one of the crispiest you’ll ever get a good crunch on! 

Yebaa!

Spicy Crispy Squid ricebox 

My favorite order! 

Besides the fact that the pieces are "hindi tinipid" the recipes and cook are perfect for me. 

The garlic flavor is delicious but my favorite is the spicy. 

The only problem is it's too SPICY!

Seriously, don't order it unless your spice tolerance is above average cause i'm telling you,

it will kick you on your ass!  

So to all chicken lover out there, I highly recommend visiting BonChon!

Baguio is my Haven

Baguio used to be my most favorite place.  

I used to think of it as my retirement place. 

A place to settle down with my future family.

But now, I can't say the same anymore.

Baguio is no longer my fave spot.

Don't get me wrong, that place is still the same wonderful view as ever.

This place is a beautiful escape from the city's pollution and noise.

It has a wonderful weather, lovely scenery - beautiful flowers everywhere, instagramic surroundings,

 strawberries,  jams, clouds, wind, and the people. 

The place feels like you aren't in the Philippines anymore. 

What I like most about it is no matter how late you sleep at night you'd still wish to wake up early 

cause you wouldn't want to miss the morning walk, the morning breeze, and the morning fog.

 

I love the early morning and late night walking.

The happiness of strawberry and coffee combination as breakfast brings.

I still adore the clouds, the trees and the flowers. 

Everything about that place is beautiful. 

Even the not-so-nice smell of horse manure at the Wright Park!

But no, Baguio is not my favorite place anymore. 

This is now my favorite place. 

My home.
A place where i can feel safe and homey. 

A place where I can feel closer to God.

A place where I can be with the nicest people. 

People I consider my family and friends.

Yes, I can be anywhere I want to be...
 but at the end of the day my heart will still yearn for this place - 

The place i call my HAVEN

A Divisoria Experience

After seems like forever, finally i was able to go back to Divisoria with a friend.
Though we're totally exhausted from the long walks with our heavy shopping bags, a Divi experience is worth it and more than fun.

My budget for this retail therapy sesh is no more than 1500php.
At first, I only mean to buy slippers for my everyday use, sort of pambahay kind of slippers.
But then being in divi is like being in a buffet!

Imagine this - A food lover standing in a room full of delectable dishes... and they're all for free!!

Everything in divi is almost as good as free because of its affordable prices.
And if you're good in bargaining, I'm telling you, it's twice as fun.

So, let me show you now some of the things that i purchased yesterday.

Bought these slippers for 350 pesos

(It's initial price is 400pesos)

This pair for 80 pesos
(if you buy 2 pairs you can get both for 150.)

This vitamins for 185

(thou i bought it from a legit store that really sells supplements)

Got this watch for 99 pesos

This white belt for 50 pesos

This cutie patootie 4gb stitch flashdrive is 300 pesos (it's initial price is 350)

 and the stitch earphone is 10 pesos haha (yap you read it right, TEN pesos)

And because sleep is one of my life's essential, 

i got this popoy-inspired magic pillow for 90 pesos

 and this Eye cover for 35pesos

And this big bag of sweet chichacorn for 50php

I also bought 2 blouses which i refused to post cause I don't want people to know which of the clothes i wear are from divi haha. (Though i don't really buy clothes from divisoria cause when it comes to wardrobe I still go for quality over quantity.)

Remember knowing how to bargain is essential if you want to go divisoria shopping. If they don't want to give it to you at cheaper price, just walk away and go to the next store.

Also, be prepared to face a sea of crowd. Expect to be stepped on and shoved many time while shopping. Be extra careful to pickpockets and snatchers.

With all these in mind, you're now good to go to shoppe! Enjoy! :)

Subtextual

Everything about us was subtextual.

We weren't supposed to talk about us.

We weren't supposed to let people know.

We weren't supposed to clear things or make anything complicated.

That was what we were. 

Practically nothing.

We were something that are nothing.

A pseudo-something.

What we had, it felt like love at first... or something that actually existed.

if not mutual understanding atleast anything like that.

I felt like i always wanted to talk to you, to connect or anything.

But things got out of hand...

It became hideous and uncontrollable.

It became something to be afraid of.

And it wasn't supposed to be like that.

Inexplicit... that's how we were supposed to be.

Your Groom is my best man

My guy best friend is getting married!

No, it can't be right.

I just felt a stab in my chest.

I can't breathe. 

It's too much of i can handle!

For so long i've been his only girl.

The apple of his eyes.

How could he do this to me?!

How could he not tell me that he's serious with that marrying thing he always tells me. 

How could i not took him seriously?

I guess i've been so confident that i will always be his girl. 

His only girl. Hah!

No, I'm not ready yet to see him with another girl.

Call me selfish or whatever, but he's my best friend. 

He's the only consistent guy in my life for 10 long years. 

With him i can be with myself: Messy hair, loose clothes, loud voice, crazy laugh, mood swings, even foul mouth. 

He never judged me. 

He never expected anything from me. 

We can stay together in one room for days without getting uncomfortable.

We get mad at each other, argue with each one's opinion, but at the end of the day, we simply laugh about it and tell each other "you win" "no, you win"

So tell me, how can i just give him my blessing to get married?

How can i not be bitter about it?

It's not that i'm jealous because i have a thing for him... trust me, i'm not and i don't.

I'm just afraid that things wont be the same between us ever again.

Who am i fooling? 

Of course things wouldn't be the same again, would it?

Leave me alone

I deserve an explanation but you didn't give me one.  

Now what i need is for you to give me the respect of not making me listen to you explain yourself. 

I need you not to talk to me because you don't deserve to be treated nicely after what you've done.  

I need you to not feel ok losing me and losing my friendship.

I can't force you with the third one, so i'm just gonna insist with the first two. 

Leave.me.alone.