Empty box

She's sitting alone in an empty box. 

Staring at nothing. Blocking everything. Feeling nothing.

She knows she should not entertain the pain cause she knows very well she can't handle it.

She doesn't even wanna try.

Her inability to tolerate pain is what makes her weak.

She's too scared of the excruciating pain that things might bring her if she comes back to the world. 

So she hides. 

Here she is, sitting in an empty box emptying her heart...

Embracing the comfort emptiness brings.

She doesn't wanna fight cause she knows she cant defeat the feeling. 

She's so afraid of the pain so she's doing everything in her power to block it.
She's emptying her mind from all the thoughts.
She stopped caring for a while now, she stopped feeling as well, so i think she'll be fine.
For now.
Here. 

In an empty box.

He hates love.

Neil Gaiman put words to why I'm now scared to fall inlove.

Love is such an overrated word.

It's kinda sad how people throw away everything just to experience love and yet at the end of it, we all get hurt.

If there's one thing I learned from my experiences - in this life happy ever-after romance doesn't exist.

Look Beyond. There is where true love lies.

11th year with YOU.

I never completely understood what it meant to be alive until I finally found You.
I know I’m totally undeserving, but the void in my heart is filled with Your overwhelming love.
Often times, I think about how privileged I am to be chosen by You.
 I’ve been wondering what I’ve done to deserve this kind of love.
An unfathomable love that gives me immense joy.
A love that is so much bigger than all my doubts and fears.

No matter how many times I’ve questioned and rejected You,
You're always there to welcome me back.

It’s humbling to know that amidst my faults and flaws,
You are always and will always be there to embrace me.

Today, marks my 11th year in the Church.
I can say that everything has been so great.
I’ve been so blessed to be surrounded by amazing people who has been helping me become a better person.

Thank You for your constant love, for your words, daily miracles, and unending grace.
Looking at things in a different perspective has refreshed my whole being.
Ever since I've been with You, I’m a completely different person.

I have never been so content and grateful knowing that I am safe in Your love.
A love so real and beautiful.
A love that has slowly unfolded right in front of me, embraced me as a whole, and constantly pursued me. Thank You for your unspeakable gift.

To The Love of my Life

Today I wanna take you back to a time in my life when I had nothing and no one else but my selfish self. There was a time when I so desperately don't know what to do with my life.

It was an awful phase.
And then depression came in and I gained weight. Lots of it you know :)

I lost my will to live life, to laugh, to enjoy the things the world offers.
Until I met the person who changed my life.

(Well that escalated quickly.)

I’ve never been religious. I used to go to Catholic Church once or twice a year.
Until my mom asked me to listen to this preacher...

The first time I heard him preach, I think I felt this thing called love at first hear.

After a few more nights of attending the indoctrination, I finally decided to give in.
I let go of my stubbornness… of the resistance I was feeling upon sumbitting myself in the baptism.

And the world started to feel right.
My insides got squishy and warm and I finally garnered enough courage to say the “Yes, I accept.”

I held His words and my response dearly close to my heart, and with all my being from that moment on, I love Him like I’ve never loved... like the world has never hurt me before.

He made me believe again.
He made me see things from a different perspective.
He made me want to become better for me, and for the people that I love.
He made me see that everything will be better someday...
that no matter how much you are hurting today… tomorrow… to that promised day… everything will heal.

He made me feel all that.

After and beyond all my awfulness, he made me feel again.

As I write these last few lines I try to remember everything good and bad, and how it will all be worth it in the end.

For you, my love, I hope this letter reaches you someday, and I want to tell You just how much it took for me to love You in every single way that I could, despite all my shortcomings, I’m trying.
I’m just a flawed person trying to love like she’s never loved before.

I pray to God for your good health and His continuous guidance to you... that you continue to do your sworn duty to God… that you take care of the people you love, and that you remember that there are people who love you and thankful to God because of you.

Yours always,
K

Someone is not just anyone

If you are a close friend of mine, you know that lately I've been involved in some issues.
Issues I don't even want to discuss here cause it's freaking embarrassing and until now I don't get why I've been implicated in that thing.

I guess all I really wanna say is people should know that I don’t really chase people.
I don’t fight for them. Not even try.

I don't constantly communicate with anyone.
If someone decides to stop communicating with me, then that's it.
I won't go after them.
'cause the way I see it is that if they are worth my time they won’t let me go.

I don’t want to have to run after them just for them to break my heart, to heighten those walls I have.
These walls are the product of the pains I've been through.

And honestly, right now, all I want is someone who will break that barrier...
who will find me worthy of this chase, of their patience.

I want someone who I know will never leave me, and who will walk this road with me.

I want someone, not just anyone.

A Lady in a Pink Sporty Shoes

There are days and moments when you just have to wear a dress. 

And yesterday was my day!

Actually, I'm not really into dresses since I'm a bit fleshy.

But then again, I asked myself, why not?

So I wear this basic black floral dress that was given to me by a friend. 

(Who make these kind of dresses and sell them online.)

(Instagram: @datgirl)

The cut of this dress is a bit flowy, and since I wanted to add a little bit of cuteness in it I paired it with my pink (Yes, pink!) sporty but lady-like shoes. 

Some people have this connotation that these kind of shoes will give you a rugged aura, guess i'm proving them wrong, right?

This outfit for me is chic and comfy.

The watch that I'm wearing is the only accessory I have. 

(purchased from https://www.facebook.com/click2shoppe) 

One can be so girly without having too much accessories you know :) 

Being Single is a Bliss

Tips-to-know-you're-inlove blogs are too cliche so I'm not gonna bother feeding you nonsense things about the over rated feelings of being inlove.

Instead, let's discuss about the advantages of being free from this overwhelming feeling of "Pagsinta".

Maybe you're thinking, bakit parang ang bitter ko?

I'm not. Di naman masyadowwww!

It's just that I've been there, and I've done that. 

And yes, it was bitter-sweet, but mostly, puro kabitteran lang! haha

Minsan kasi 3 buwan tayong kikiligin, and then 6 na buwan tayong magmu-move on pag nabroken heart.

O kaya naman, isang buong taon kang deds na deds sa jowa mo,

tas pag nagbreak kayo, all your life, mamumuhi ka sa loko!

Yap, Irony of life.

C'est la vie.

So let's go back to our topic, bakit nga ba minsan mas okay na hindi tayo inlove?

Here's why:

1. Mas matalino tayo when it comes to decision-making.

Nagiging rational, logical, at sensible ang isang tao pagdating sa paggawa ng desisyon kung walang kasamang intense emotion. Isang halimbawa ang pagbibigay natin ng matinong advice kung hindi tayo ang involve. 

We give advice base sa kung ano yung alam nating tama, hindi sa kung ano yung nararamdaman natin. 

Kaya nga minsan sabi ng iba, things are easier said than done. Kasi madalas pag tayo na yung involve, yung ini-advise natin, tayo mismo di natin magawa. Kasi nga, malakas maka-tanga ang pagsinta. 

Kahit alam mong mali, minsan kiber tayo, kasi iba ang itinitibok ng puso sa idinidikta ng Logical Hemisphere natin. (Taray, Logical Hemisphere!) 

Kaya madalas pag inlove ang isang tao, nalalagay sa alanganin ang kaniyang logical intelligence. Fail di ba!?

2. Stress-free.  

We're free from stress when we're not in a relationship nor inlove. 

We don't have to worry about other peole. 

Like, kung kumain na ba siya? 

Where is he?

 Bakit di siya nagtetext? 

Bakit di nagchachat? Walang tweet? 

Bakit di ni-like yung status ko sa facebook?

What is he doing? 

Does he still love me? 

May kasama kaya siyang ibang babae? 

Worries like these are the ultimate stressor!

Susundan pa ng away dito, away doon. 

Selos dito, selos doon. 

And eventually, ang inyong dating kulay pulang mundo dahil sa pagmamahalan, ay magiging kulay pula dahil sa sakitan. 

At pag hindi mo na kaya, maiisip mong worth it kaya ang lahat ng sakit na pinagdadaanan ko? 

Nakakastress! 

Nakakapanget! 

Nakakasira ng magandang ugali!

3. Hindi dependent sa isang tao lang ang happiness mo.

When you're not inlove, yung pagiging masaya mo hindi nakasalalay lang sa isang tao. 

Hindi SIYA lang ang center ng universe mo. 

There are a lot of things to be happy about. 

Mas maaappreciate mo na you were blessed with wonderful PEOPLE kapag hindi nakaasa ang kaligayahan mo sa taong kinahuhumalingan mo! (Take note of that, people not person)

When you're inlove, pag may hindi ka nagustuhang kilos ng iniirog mo, maghapong sira na ang araw mo. Taken for granted na ang mga nasa paligid mo. 

Yung happiness na dapat sana ay ihinalakhak mo maghapon, wala, ruined na ng isang tao.

Sayang di ba!

4. You need not to settle for less.

Kagaya nga ng sinabi ko, madalas bobo tayo pag inlove. 

Muntanga lang!

Pag gusto natin yung isang tao, we tend to overlook their shortcomings. 

Kunwari level up yung standard mo tas pag nainlove ka, deflated to zero lahat ng paninindigan mo! 

Sobrang fail di ba!

Kaloka ka! 

Wag kang tanga, wag mong ibaba yung standard mo dahil lang sa isang tao. 

In the long run of your relationship, hahanapin at hahanapin mo pa rin yung akma sa panlasa mo. 

Why settle for less kung pwede mo namang makuha yung talagang gusto mo? 

Wag kang sabik, Chill lang! 

Cliche man, hindi pa rin nawawala sa uso ang kasabihang "Patience is a virtue."

These are some of the things that runs through my beautiful head whenever someone teases me  for not having a boyfriend. Like I've said: been there, done that. 

Trust me, hindi worth it ang panandaliang kilig sa sakit na dulot ng isang taong temporary lang rin naman ang kontribusyon sa istorya ng buhay natin! 

Chill! Smile! Maganda tayo! Panindigan na natin!