I think in every relationship, there will never be an equality.
The other person will always be the one who loves more, cares more and gives a whole lot of effort than the other person.


And in the end, that person gets hurt the most.
It sucks because it's not fair.

Feels like when the other person is hurt, the other one only have the slightest idea of how you feel.

What sucks even more is when the other doesn't have any idea at all.

So when you go into a relationship,  even if you're the one who loves more, make sure that the person you'll give your heart to is worthy of every piece of love, tears and pain you are gonna shed.
Make sure that in the end, It is all worth it. 

Survive

There will come a time in our lives when we will get our heart broken.
We will be hurt.
We will be in chronic pain and in agony.

It will leave us with no option but to move on.
We have to, by all possible means accept the bitter truth that the person we once adore, we once love with all our heart, can no longer be a part of our being.
No longer a part of our lives... of our future.

At first, it can be draining physically and mentally.
It's as if nothing will ever be right anymore.
we will all feel like we can’t live without that person, but eventually you will.
You will see that you will.
You'll get better and that's inevitable.

You just have to believe in yourself and you have to trust yourself.
You will end up as a stronger person in the end. Just follow the basic rule.

SURVIVE.
Even if it is difficult.
At the end of it, you can smile like nothing really happened.

Live like a Boss

I dress like a lady, 

walk like a princess, 

talk like a man, 

think like a soldier,

laugh like a sailor, 

and live like a boss.

That’s just how I am. 

Random. 

People always think they know me,

 but they always end up either surprised or disappointed. 

That’s why I never like expectations. 

People tend to overate you. 

Expect more from you and when you disappoint them,

 they’ll slap in your face how much you’ve let them down.

And they'll slap you hard.

So instead of living with people’s expectation, 

live your life the way you should live it. 

As long as it is in accordance of God’s will, just go. 

Live it to the fullest. 

Don’t mind them. Don’t let them control you.

Dress like a lady, in modest. 

Walk like a princess, you are beautiful, don't let others tell you differently. 

Talk like a man. make them listen with your intelligence and charm. 

Think like a soldier, shrewd and clever. 

Laugh like a sailor, as loud as you can, as happy as you can be.

Live like a boss, you are your own boss. you have a gift of freedom, use it accordingly.

9 years :)

With the things that I have experienced and the hardships I have been through, I learned to be more grateful will all the things that I've been receiving from Him.

Because of the men that God sent us, I have learned to look at things in different perspective, to look at life in its brighter side, to find beauty even in the most miserable situation, and to be thankful even in the middle of chaos.

Despite of being insignificant and unworthy, I am undoubtedly blessed. 

I can feel the love of the Almighty working in me, helping me get through every day. 

It's been 9 years but there’s still so much to learn, so much to see, and so much to do. 

There may be days when everything seems working against me, or I don’t appreciate things or I unconsciously take things for granted, but at the end of the day I know He is the reason why I can still sleep comfortably or wake up the next morning with an overflowing gratitude in my heart. 

It is overwhelming to learn that no matter how infinitesimal I am in all His infinite creation, I am well loved and blessed of so many gifts. That no matter how small I am, I am a part of something magnificent and grand. I belong to his Church. I am one of those who are blessed to witness the unfolding of God’s truth and kindness.

God gave me more than I need. And with that I am eternally grateful. To God be the Glory. J

The pain of dreaming you.

Last night, I dreamt a lovely dream.

In that dream, there was you and me.

we were together, doing amazing things.

In that dream, the day couldn't get any better.

We were the awesomest and we were infinite.

Like nothing could take us apart.

And i woke up.

And it hurts.

The pain of waking up from a wonderful dream hit me real hard.

But I didn't gave up that easily. Not even reality can bring me down.

So I tried to sleep again.

And I tried my hardest.

And I stayed in bed for like 4-5 hours just so I could be with you again...

even if it's just in dream...

But the irony chose to play a joke on me in the most perfect timing!

And it did its job perfectly well!

... coz just when I needed sleep more, 

the sleepiness failed to find its way to me.

I miss you love.

I met The Jason Magbanua!

November 7. This was the day my co-researchers and I had been waiting.
The day we were scheduled to meet the "Rockstar" of the Wedding Film making.

The Jason Magbanua!

We were to see him at 3:00 in the aftie but as early as 10 am we were already hitting the road.
(spell excited huh?!)

When we finally met him, dude, the feeling was just W.O.W!

Never did I imagine that the maker of the wedding vids that I only get to see in the youtube, was already infront of me and talking to me as if we're an old friends!

After the 1 and a half hour of interview and picture taking, (oh yeah, we wont let the chance pass just like that)

..so yeah after the interview, he walked us to his office which was still under construction,

we got into his car and drove us to his home so he could give us his newly launched coffee table book and said he'll sign it after our research study is done. yeah yeah it means we'll be seeing him again :D

And oh! before i forget, we're scheduled to see him again in a month from now. but this time we're gonna see him in action! We're gonna see how he do his craft!

Yeah dude, how's that for being awesome huh!?

Can't wait for that date! 

I'm excited! :)

I never believe in soulmate, 

but i want to believe we're more than that.

Memory of my great love

Today I had an assessment.

And today I’m gonna write how I have been when I loved him.

How I have lost my identity when I fell greatly inlove with him.

I tried to be the person whom I'm thought he would appreciate.
I have lot of flaws but he made me want to be perfect.
I dwell in his existence.
I tricked myself into thinking that we're meant for each other when in reality we may as well be strangers.

I’ve been true to him.

I faithfully loved him that a thousand miles distance was never a hindrance.

I’ve waited endlessly. Tiredlessly. even though I know how it will just break my heart, I never cared.
I was completely broken but i never care.

I have loved him more than I should. More than I have loved anyone.
without expecting anything in return though the word unrequited was water clear.

I never looked at anyone.

Never entertained anyone.

I am practically a beggar for his love.

Even the chance seems impossible, I held on tightly to that little hope I had in my heart for us.

But I know now, there is no us.
Never had and there would never be.

I was hurting everyday.
I practically lived with pain everyday.

Along with my love for him is the pain it brings that I have to endure every moment.


I used to tell myself that I should stop loving him so the pain would stop too; but even I never believe me.


But not anymore.
He lost me.
Ahm, no, scratch that. It would be a lie.
He didn't lost me. The truth is he never found me.
He never saw me and I don't know if he even bother to look at me.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at him. Never was and never will be.
In fact I still cry at times he cross my mind.
I cry because I think I've wasted too much time and too much love for him;
But when I remember why I loved him in the first place, I smile and say
"He was worth it, silly!"


He had a special place in my heart and I can never change that fact
but this story of my great love is all over now. Those were all yesterday's feelings.
Something behind me that'll make me smile everytime I look back.
A memory.

A memory of my great love.

Learning the Art of Pain

I read from somewhere that "If you continuously ignore people, you're teaching them to live without you."


Annnddddd NO. 


I didn't mean it to be that way.


I need you not to learn living without me when in the first place I'm not even sure if I come across your mind even once in awhile. Maybe yes. Perhaps not.


But I don't want to care anymore. I'm done caring, I guess.


But...


I am the one who's trying to learn here... 


learning to live without thinking of you, without talking to you, without expecting anything from you, without waiting for you.


So you see, I am the one who's trying to learn living without you...


And I am learning the art of it. :)

Business w/out pleasure is not fun!

“Sorry, I don’t mix business with pleasure.”

Of course I didn’t tell him that.

First, because I thought it would be offending on his part, 

second, I didn't want to sound so conceited haha. (kagandahan?)

So I told him, “trust me, I’m better off as your friend” instead.

Oh yeah, gimme a break! It wasn’t euphemism. 

I was never a euphemist. 

In fact, I am never good with words. I always suck voicing what I feel.

So yeah, I was telling the truth. 

That I don’t mix business with pleasure and I am a better friend than a girlfriend. And I hate it! Haha. 

I was always an ice cream addict.
ALWAYS.
It all began since my childhood taste buds savored the icecold sweetness of it.

I can still remember how I always got tonsillitis because of eating too much ice buko, ice drop and even ice candy I always bought outside our school every after class when I was in grade school.

Every birthday I attended, even my own, ice cream serving was my most anticipated moment.

So practically, I grew up eating an Ice cream… until I got satiated.

I suddenly stopped eating ice cream, sundae, ice drop, and the like.
I stopped eating it the way I used to… 

Until I tried Cornetto.  

Yap, CORNETTO.
The 20pesos worth of ice cream you always see in the TV. 

I don’t know what’s in it, but all of a sudden, it brings my addiction to ice cream back.

Uhm, no wait I dont think its just an addiction, it's more of a craze. if you read my tweets, it's like everyday i have a post about it haha.
It’s the only ice cream I crave now. Yeah seriously.
It's hard not to pick any flavor of it whenever I go to the grocery.
Yeah, I don't mind anymore if it makes me fatter because all I'm thinking is I -WANT-IT haha. 

Now, I eat this thing every day, no matter what the weather is.

Question #2

A Famous person you've been compared to?

--- Cherry Pie Picache and Cita Astals.
haha i know. and i hate it too.

1. The person you like and why you like him?
-- i was thinking not to answer this Q anymore since im in a moving on stage, but then again, why the hell not?!
uhm, no... wait... i think its better to stick on my first decision. im not gonna answer this. 
Sorry :D
Next question please.

No tears shall fall

And I thought by this time, I am getting better.

I thought I’ve already accepted the fact that there won’t be any future for you and me.

But no, after learning that you are getting along with someone,

All the pain that I’ve felt in the past, they all come back to me, but in doubled amount.

They say there’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart, so I must ask, how the hell did you manage to break mine a thousand times in a thousand pieces?!

I’ve been hurting this much that the other things that must be hurting me don’t bother me anymore. All I can feel is this pain that that news have brought me. 

It’s so intense, so strong and burning that I can’t even cry. 

My heart is throbbing literally because I’m trying my hardest not to cry.

Yes, I’m not gonna cry for you this time. Not today and I hope not tomorrow.

I’m gonna endure this bitter taste in my throat but no tears shall fall.

i still wish that you'd be happy with her, but i'll be hating flowers for now. rose in particular.

Questions to answer

I have these set of questions from my tumblr that I needed to answer but since I didn’t designed my tumblr for such kind of blog, I decided to post the answers here instead. But I don’t think I can answer them all at once so I guess im’ma attend to each of them only whenever I have a free time (as if I am that busy haha.)

1.      the person you like and why you like him?

2.      a famous person you’ve been compared to.

3.      5 things that irritate you about the same sex/opposite sex.

4.      the best thing that has happened to you this week.

5.      weird things you do when you’re alone.

6.      how you’d spend ten thousand bucks.

7.      things you like and things you don’t like about the way you look.

8.      your last night out in detail.

9.      something that makes me sad when i think about it.

10. something you’ve lied about.

11. would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for ten years or someone you hate for a month? explain why.

12. something you’re currently worrying about.

13. something you do without realising.

14. lyrics that apply to your current situation/mood.

15. a drunken story.

16. something you regret.

17. post a picture of yourself.

18. your longest relationship and who it was with.

19. post a bit of your last IM convo.

20. 5 things you want to change.

21. someone you’d like to be for a day and why.

22. 5 things within touching distance.

23. story of your first kiss.

Trip to Albay

I’ve been meaning to blog about our journey to Albay last March but I’ve been so busy with a lot of things lately.

This trip was one of the most unforgettable so far. 

It was my first time to ride on a plane, and we were (I and my group) compelled (more than willing to oblige)  to feature Bicolanos way of living and visit every attractive places there.

I know you expect me to tell you about how beautiful the place was, but it’s not gonna be the first thing I'll write about.

I was more astonished by Bicolanos hospitality. 

I may not been in a lot of places but I think I have more than enough share of experience to say that Bicolanos hospitality is exceptional.

Most of the people there has been friendly and helpful.

On the third day of our stay there, (we've been there for 5 days) 

we decided to go to Hoyop-Hoyopan Cave located in Camalig, Albay.

Honestly, I wasn't that thrilled going there because I never really like muddy and dark places. 

But as we go inside the cave, I had a change of heart.

The cave wasn’t what I expected it to be. 
It wasn’t suffocating like other caves.

In fact it was somewhat chilly inside, reason why it was named Hoyop which means “to blow”. 

Also, it didn’t stink at all. 

There were a lot of narrow passages inside the cave which makes the tour fun because you have to squeeze yourself to pass through. 

The entrance fee was 10 pesos each but you have to pay the tour guide 300 bucks and you can’t go inside without being accompanied by one.

It was at lunch time when we left the cave. 
We were really hungry at that time but unfortunately it was raining and we can’t just get ourselves soaked in the rain because we have cameras, lapel, mic, and tripod with us.

We saw a store on the way and decided to stay there and wait until the rain stop. 
We were all laughing and noisy while complaining how hungry we were. 
Each one blames each other why we didn’t eat before going to the cave.

We were all whining that we didn't notice this local sleeping in another bench.  

He heard all our complains and told us that we can buy something at the store 
and offered to cook it in his house. 
Because he looks really nice, gratefully, we agreed and bought 3 canned of tuna. 
To our surprise, when we entered his house, there was a lot of food for us in the table. 
A lechon kawali, this kind of vegetable that I don’t know what to call, a newly cooked rice, 
and the tuna that we bought from the store.
 The guy even introduced us to his family and they welcomed us warmly.

We were so touched by the gestures that we thanked them unstoppable.

And everywhere we go people were really accommodating that made my friends asked, 
“are we still in earth or we’re already dead and we’re now in heaven?” 


(haha, no, I’m not exaggerating, they really asked me that.)

We also did a cooking show segment in this particular restaurant called Global kusina wherein the owner entertained us without letting us spent even a penny and thoughtfully served us Bicol express, this another menu that I forgot the name and their own version of pizza for free.

Even the mayor spared us some of her precious time for an interview.

See what I’m talking about? Weren’t they too good to be true?

I’m done with their hospitality, now it’s time to brag about how magnificent the place was.

Ok im just kidding. I'm not gonna bore you with my writing, 

I’ll let these pictures speak for themselves. J

Busay Falls

This falls was so magnificent and we even came here twice during our 5 days visit regardless of its distance to where we stay)

(i was the official camerawoman)

(at lignon hill where climbing is a struggle for someone like me
who isn't used of a long walk. It's like a mini tagaytay where you can
have a nice view of Mayon Volcano.)

(chili flavored shake)

A letter for a friend

I know you expect us to be by your side at this seem so lowest point of your life,

but how can we, when we too are struggling?

You should know that we too are wounded.

we were left here, though you may not be aware but we're still trying to protect you the best way we can.
we were left here cleaning up the mess.

We were hurt and damaged.
I hate to say this but you’ve inflicted us this pain. 

You’re the reason of it.

So as much as we want to be with you, we can’t. 

Cause we’re in the process of nursing ourselves too.

Please don’t think as if we’ve abandoned you , we didn’t.

It was you who forgot to remember us.

And the things that happened lately were only the consequences of those times you've forgotten about us.

We understand you, what you did and why you did it,

it's your justification that we don't.

it's the lies that we don't.

Others don’t have the right to judge you. But we do.
I believe we have the right to.
Because we know you.
we know things that others don't.
And because you’ve hurt us. So much.  That everything became hard.

we've been friends for years.
all of us used to eat in one plate, same food, one spoon, one drinking bottle.
we used to sleep in one pillow, and shared a blanket.
we used to laughed in the same joke, etc., etc., blah! blah! blah!
all of us used to do a lot of things together.
so yes, we have every right to judge you without being judgmental.

Do you know that everytime someone mentions your name, an awkward silence follows?

But sometimes I purposely mention you in the middle of a conversation because I want them; I want us to be immune of your memory. Not so we can forget all about you, but because I want us to be able to move forward.

and if we do, maybe, just maybe, everything will get back to normal. Don't lose hope.

My Last love letter

When I admitted myself that I’m in love with you, I also told myself that there’s no use going against my heart.

So I decided to just go with the flow. I loved you with all my heart. In spite of all the pains and the sufferings.

But now I have to let go.

It will never be easy.

I know cause I’ve tried for like gazillion times now. 

But I have to try again. I have to.

Because the pain became unbearable.

But you know what, it’s not all about pain.

It’s more of an acceptance in my part.

I now wholeheartedly understand that we are not meant to be together.

That no matter how much I’m willing to love and wait for you, there’s just no way that we will end up happily together.

Why?

Because you see, this thing I have for you is so extreme that even I can’t get a hold of it.

Secondly, even if you tell me you love me I won’t believe you. I guess you know why.

But I want you to know that you will always be a part of my life.

You played an important and influential role in my life that’s not easy to forget.

So no, I’m not gonna be hard on myself, I won’t try to forget you because the memories I have of you bring smiles and tears in me.

Surprised? 

I know you wonder what memories are those…

Ok let me share you this secret.

Voice out the name of the person you love. Think about that person. 
Do you feel that thing inside your heart? 
That overflowing emotion that makes your heart big? 
That’s what I always feel whenever I think of you. 

And I was able to preserve all of those wonderful feelings. 

Both happy and sad.

And I’m gonna remember all of those everytime i remember your name, or if someone mentions your name.

I’m gonna remember how you shaped me to be who I am today, 
scared of loving again, tough, and resilient 
but more compassionate and more grateful and mature when it comes to love.

You made me fragile but sturdy at the same time. 

Thank you for being nice to me. For being honest and for being there for me. You will always be here in my heart, in the most bottom part of it. 
It will always be exclusively yours. I love you. Always have, always will.

im starting another blog.
a blog that will talk about me. the real me.
not about him.

yes, i used to blog a lot about what i feel for him in HERE
my other blogs say "my random thoughts" and "all about me" but 'twas too late
when i realized that they wasnt about me anymore. those blogs became about him.

i wasnt aware that i forgot about myself because he was all i think about.
but i got tired. i realized i should find my old self that i lost because of loving him too much.
i need to save me from losing myself.
and I will start it by making this new account and this time it will talk about me for real :)