How weird are you?

Sometimes, we meet people who are seem weird.

But due to our social obligations, we put up with them.

We accept them because that's the right thing to do.

And then, we get to know them, like really know them.

And soon we will like them.

We will get so used with their weirdness that we don't even notice it anymore

We won't even see these people as weird at all. 

And eventually, you'll see yourself doing what they do.

And you'll also become seemingly weird to others and they'll put up with you. 

And they'll like you.
And eventually they'll do what you do.

Yes, the world is a big weird thing.

Happy Birthday to me

here's a message for someone...
To the One who's always been there for me.
To the One who saved me in every way a person can be saved.
To the One who never left my side...
who never stop loving me...
of showing me kindness.
Regardless of my shortcomings and wrong doings He's always been there for me, warming me with his love.

I know i don't deserve Him.
I know i keep on letting him down, keep on disappointing him, hurting him...  and I am sorry.

I'm sorry that i know i'll never be worthy of his love and kindness.
I'm sorry that i can never reach up to his expectations.
I'm sorry that i'm a failure.

But this is all i am.
And He is all i got.
And i dont know what i'd do, and where i'd be if he gave up on me...
if he left me or get tired of me.

So up to this moment, i am trying. and fighting... fighting hard.. to be worthy of Him.
To deserve his love. Because that's all i got. His love.
And that's all i need... His love and mercy.

And now that another birthday is coming.. I am thanking Him, for guiding me all this years, for keeping me safe and loved and for making me feel that I am not alone in this fight.

Thank You Lord for making me feel Your presence when everything feels like falling apart.
Thank You for showing me that there's more to life than what we're seeing... than what we're experiencing. Thank You for making me feel secure and for giving me comfort when i am hurt.
Thank You for making me feel strong at times when i am most vulnerable.
Thank You for unceasingly blessing me.
Thank You.

I hope I can put to words exactly how grateful and thankful i am but there's just no enough words to tell how great and kind You are.
So i hope this simple Thank You can say exactly what i want to tell you.
Thank You.

Birthday resolutions

Every year i like doing a list of birthday resolutions equal to how old i am just to have something to look forward to.
But this year, i think i only have 3.
Here it goes.

1. Books, books, books!

2. Go to places (will forever be in my list)

I haven't been to any place this year and its kinda sad y'know. I'd like to travel even atleast once a year. There's so much things to see in this world and letting a chance slip away is not really... agh! Anyways, i still have a month before 2013 right? 

3. To be completely self-reliant, happy person.

Yes, to be completely happy without depending on anyone. To finally let go of those things which drag me down to the bottom. To let go of all the not so nice things inside me and give some space for kindness and happiness.

I think if i've chosen to be happy, the rest of the other things will follow. So that's it for now i guess. first things first. 

happy birthday to me. :)

The perks of holding back

I used to hold back my feelings to someone before, 

at the end i got hurt because I refused to be honest with what i really feel.

So I told myself that the next time I fall inlove, I'm not gonna withhold anymore,

I wont suppress what i really feel.

And then, the second chance came.

I did what I had to do. 

I became honest to what's really inside me. 

But at the end, it hurts more than it hurts the first time.

It freaking hurts that I'd do anything, I'd move the heaven and earth if i can

just so i wont have to go through that phase again.

It hurts because it felt like nothing's left for me anymore.

I feel empty because I gave all of me.

I've open up to someone but in the end, a betrayal took place.

Pause for a while

I could really use a vacation right now.
Somewhere a little far.
Somewhere new.
Some place that could wow me and take my mind off of things that have been keeping me awake at night.
It's kinda depressing y'know.
All of these things, they are sad as they are.
I know I shouldn't feel crappy, no christian should.
And what makes it more depressing is because i kinda feel like i do.
So i want to pause for a second.
I want to take a break from all of these.
Everything just reminds me of last year and i'm struggling too hard to survive each day without breaking down infront of anyone.
As devastating as it is, i'm hoping that I won't be bothered anymore by someone coz atleast I know if i get through this phase,
i'll be fine.
I know i will...
... with God's help.

Drawing Lines

Today i will draw a line.

A line that will separate me from you.

A line that shouldn't be crossed nor glanced...

because if I do, not-so good things will happen.

Really, things are getting sad and pathetic and stupid.

It's hard to keep up coz things happened too fast.

Too fast that I didn't even had time to stop and analyze for a while.

And now, things are falling apart.

I don't know what happened, I don't know what went wrong.

I dont understand how some thing that seems so perfect ended up in chaos.

And I'm trying my hardest, to be fine... to be ok.

I've been here already.

I know how this world look like... how it feels like.

It just takes a little of getting use to.

I will get through this.

I just have to continue putting up a good show.

A little blinking of eyes - to push the tears back.

Inhale, Exhale - to calm your emotion

Swallow hard - to send the bitter taste and the whimpering away.

Smile and Laugh - and hope that eventually, your hypothalumus will believe that you are happy.

So yes, this is the line that I drew for us.

And I pray to have that will power not to cross it ever again.

28 on 28th

I don't know why people get kinda obsessed with my age. 

ok, so I'm not telling them how old i am, so what? Why the big deal?

But today I decided to solve the freaking mystery here.

There's really no reason why I aint telling anyone my age.
It's just for my own satisfaction.
It just feels good to have something to hold back to people.
Yeah, just that. It's not because of something important.
But apparently, curiosity is people's natural characteristic.
The more you prefer not to share it with them, the more they want to know it.

So there goes my reason.

It's not because i'm afraid of getting old whatsoever!
Trust me I'm not. 

Specially when i know that i look younger than my real age (ok kath where's the modesty here? haha

In reality  I'm a bit looking forward to old age.
Old age means knowledge.
And I'm a sucker for knowledge.
I'm curious to what the future will actually bring.

And well, to tell the truth here, I wanna get old... ok, but not too old. 

45 is "too" old for me haha. And I'm honestly hoping for a good riddance before I get "too old" (oh, please, don't judge haha) 

Writing this blog makes me think if I can still pull off the 4-years younger joke in the future... well, i hope so. hihi.

So what makes today special?

Been hiding my real age since seventeen and I think I've done enough hiding already.

So today I want the world to know that on 28th I'm going to be 28!

Yes, that's what make it special.

I'm actually proud and happy of reaching this age.
I'm grateful for everything I have now that I've reached this age.

I have everything that I need.

Everything that I SHOULD have. 

I'm living my life as a Christian and I am trying my hardest to serve my purpose. I am blessed and loved. 

So yes, I think I'm living my life to the fullest. 

And I am thankful because never did it occur to me that I'll actually reach this age feeling fulfilled and happy.

Appreciate them

We shouldn't take advantage of the person who's always there for us. 

Yes, it may seem to us that they wont go anywhere,
that they will always stay no matter what,
but it wont happen.

You see, its kinda tiring to love a person when
all that person gave in return is heartache.

So love back that person who loves you and
stays with you through hardships.
let them feel how much they mean to you before it's too late.
before that person gets tired of you...
before that person thinks that you are not worth it.

before they feel used and wronged.

Appreciate them, seriously.

Nonsensical Pain

I'm not fine. 

I'm hurt and bruised, not physically of course 

but I think hurting physically is better than to what I feel right now. 

I need to make myself feel better.

I need to nurse my heart back to health... back to usefulness. 

My tearduct is like an open dam, I feel like crying all the time.

You know i've never liked nonsensical pain. 

I dont like feeling miserable and pathetic. 

Damn that person who made me feel this shit.

Why do I have to feel crap over the loss of something I never had?

Damaged

You've broken me beyond recognition.
Beyond Repair.

Misinterpretation

Know the difference between holding a hand and falling in love.
Sometimes people just need a company.
Don't misunderstand them.

You should know that words don’t always mean something.
Sometimes they just tell you things because they need you to stay for a while,
but not for good.
Don't misunderstand them.

Promises can always be broken.
It's not always empty promises. Its just that sometimes when you're there for them, they feel so happy and grateful that they tend to make promises they don't really mean. They were just too happy.
Don't misunderstand them.

And sometimes even if it is hard to believe, goodbyes are forever.
When it's not for you, let it go. Don't keep holding on.
It's not that they stop liking you, its just that things don't always fall as you like them to be.
Try to understand.

Let them fight for you

A right love is always worth fighting for, no matter how hard it is, if you're fighting for the right reason, you do it with happy heart, right? 

But... Yes, there's a but... but sometimes,
you cannot be the one who is fighting.
There are some times that it's the other people who need to fight for you.
Because it's their turn now.
But If they don’t, you can't do anything about it.
 You just have to move on,
and realize that what you gave them was more than what they are willing to provide.

People are like that, learn to deal with it.

Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.

Back to my childhood fear

I finally learned how to ride a bike!
Yeah I know, it's funny right?
I've been in existence for like... Oops, i'm not gonna tell the world my age...
So yeah, it's funny that i reached this age and yet i never learned how to ride a bike.
It's not that i never tried, believe me i did.
But i was too pussy way back haha.
I'm scared to be hurt, and blood means death when i was a kid,
so i never pushed through learning it until last night.
As I continuously swerve wildly off course at the beginning and fell for like a thousand times, by 2:00am I was able to do it!
I can't tell you how i feel when i was able to pedal without falling.
It feels like i was able to overcome one of my biggest fear.
Bicycling has been my biggest frustration and being able to do it is more than an achivement!
I'm thankful that i learned it without wounds and blood
though there's like a hundred of bruises in my legs haha.

Thanks to kim and kuya gil for teaching me patiently.

Rest if you must.

I need a break...


from you.

Dear future who

Dear Future Boyfriend, (ok, this gets me laugh a bit)

I am waiting here just letting the days pass.
Waiting for that promise of "until death do us part" to come.
Waiting for that day when I could always hold you close...
when I could love you with every cell of my being.
You know, you are always in my mind.
All the sweet thoughts i have kept in my heart for you.

I want you to know that together we sure will overcome all the odds, with God's help ofcourse.
We both will learn from all the things we get through everyday.
I will be strong as you would do the same for me.
I will be safe as I always want you to be.

Across the distance where we both shed tears, our happiness will still find a way to pacify us.
It’s not about how distant we are, it’s how we stretch our hands out.
It’s not how different we are, but it's on how we compliment each other.
It’s not about the things we fail but on how we manage to stand still, holding hands, you and I.

We will wait, we will be patient because that’s what love is all about.
Forgive me if I sometimes doubt, that was just me being human.
One thing I could always proudly say about is that I love you with all certainty.
Just stay the same because I love you just the way you are.

For now, I still haven't met you. Just have patience. You will find your way to me.
I love you. :)

Not worth it

Sometimes, we need to let the pain penetrate inside to snap us back to reality.
Because sometimes our own desire, our dreams and other people's empty promises can make us drift away from where we should place ourselves.
They can make us separate from what's sane and what's right.
And we should avoid them.
Save ourselves while we still can.

We shouldn't give in to the things that we want the most, because it might be too late before we realized how badly it could hurt us.
Sometimes these things, no matter how much we want them...
they're just not worth the pain.

Hernz Ice Cream Specialties

For those who love Ice cream and Yogurt, you guys better try the new Ice cream House in town!

The Hernz Ice cream Specialties! 

H.I.S is a go-to restaurant for food lovers because not only they offer different kind of Ice cream creations that i don't think you'll be able to find anywhere else, but they also serve delectable menus!

(oh yes, I only have good adjectives for their foods! haha)

They offer scrumptious foods, dairies, fruit and milkshakes at great prices.

I had my first try of their food last Saturday. My first time was really pleasant. Even before I entered the place, I already liked it. The exterior of the restaurant is cozy and friendly.

But you'll surely love the interior and the ambiance more! The whole place spells comfy. It brings positive mood.

A place where you won't just Enter - Order Food - Eat - and then leave.

H.I.S is a place to eat, enjoy, hang out, chit chat with friends, and oh, did I already mentioned you that the place is a wi-fi zone? Yes, you can bring your work in there while you're having your delicious meal and desserts. (Just like what Alvin did. Look at him! haha)

It's not a secret to everyone close to me how much I love Kare-Kare.

And I couldn't be any happier when we were served with Crispy Pata Kare-Kare for main course!

Yes, my two most favorite dishes in one! I really loved how this tasted! The rich creamy peanut sauce tastes so right with the Crispy Pata and the Bagoong!

Before the main menu, H.i.s. served Datgirl and Rodel Clam Chowder and though I wasn't able to try it because Michie and I were late, they said it tasted good! (I will definitely go back to try it!)

We also tried their pasta specialties.

The Baked Spaghetti, which you'll surely love because of its rich and sweet sauce and the generous serving of ground meat on it.

and the Carbonara! which I honestly enjoyed more. (I think it's kinda obvious based on the Exclamation mark I put after the word Carbonara haha)

Even before we emptied our plates, the desserts were being served already!

First in line was the Mango and Langka in Turon style with Ice cream on the side. A combination of hot and cold dessert! It is called "Sikreto ni Mang Ambo". And according to the owners, they named it after their grandfather.

The preparation of the Blazing Kisses was I think the highlight of our stay there! It was actually my first time to see an ice cream being burnt!

Blazing Kisses is a chocolate and raisin flavored ice cream covered with icing that was burnt with rum! It costs 188 per serving that is good for 5-6 person.

And the last but definitely not the least on our list of dessert galore is the Buko Lychee Sherbet!

A sugar-free and guilt free must-try dessert for those who mind their sugar intake! :)

The trip from Apalit to Malolos was definitely worth it!
I'd definitely go back and try other stuff on the menu!
 Frozen Yogurt, you're next!

The prices in Hernz Ice Cream Specialties considering the location and the setting of the restaurant are very reasonable and will cost on average about 200-250 per head.

H.I.S. is located in Mc Arthur Hi-way, Tikay, Malolos City.

Disclaimer: Photos courtesy by Sahlee and Rodel

Pepper Lunch!

I've been hearing a lot about this "Pepper Lunch" so when I learned that it has a branch in Trinoma, I immediately hurried to try it out.

Yeah, I got a little excited and ordered for their Pork Pepper Lunch.
Honestly, I think their price is quite expensive compared to my much cheaper choices.

And when I saw my plate, the serving looked quite small that I thought it won't be enough to satisfy my appetite.

The food is serve in a patented iron plate that uses an electromagnetic cooker that heats up the plate to 260 degrees in 70 seconds. It makes the meat grilled in this temperature and makes it tender and juicy.

Yes, you will be served a raw meat and you'll be the one to cook it by tossing everything in your plate while it's hot.

The thinly sliced pork strips were a perfect match to the peppered rice. The sweetness of the corn balanced the strong flavors of the rice.

I was definitely mistaken when I assumed that my food wouldn't be enough. I left the resto really bloated.

The proper way to devour the Pepper Lunch! haha

I still remember

EVERY. F**KING.WORD.YOU.SAID.

Oblivion

And it's hard when you want to smile,

you want to laugh,

you want the people around you see that you are happy,

but you just cant...

'coz the sadness inside you is overwhelming,

it consumes your whole being.

Everything triggers your tearduct.

Nothing in particular... just, everything.

The tweeting of birds, crying of baby, laughter of the person beside you, the sound of your own keyboard, the insect, the paper, the wall, the door, the floor... everything!

Everything spells sadness.

You are a zombie.

You walk, you talk, you work, but lifeless.

And it's hard to be at this state.

You want to scream for help but you know no one can ever save you.

Because the person who can, is the reason why you're currently drowning in misery.

Rubber Band

I did what I had to do.

I did some hardest decision that has only one result, PAIN.

I'm letting go.

I'm moving on.

I can only take this much.

I'm not gonna pull and stretch the rubber farther.

I'm frightened that if I do so, the rubber might break and I may not be able to glue it back.

So Im'ma have to stop here.

I'd rather be hurt as early as now than later.

I'm not gonna sit here and endure the pain 

just to get my heart still ripped out in the end.

I'm not sure if what I did was done out of selfishness...

but I do know that what I did was the right thing.

How did I know?

I just did.

Letting Go Like a Boss

When a person wants to walk out from your life, 

you gotta let them go. 

Do not force them into staying with you. 

Never ask them to love you again. 

Stop calling them or expect them to return your calls.

Don’t ask them to continuously care about you, 

because if they still want you and cared about you 

they wouldn’t be going anywhere else in the first place. 

They won’t even think of cutting you out of their lives. 

So yes, atleast save yourself from their rejection for the second time. 

From that very moment they walk out from you, 

shed that first burst of tears, 

cause it’s ok to be hurt, to feel the pain, 

it’ll make you stronger; but hold that second coming.

You shouldn’t be crying for the same reason the second time. 

That person is not worth it, cause if he really does, you won’t be crying at all.

Everything is untold

I want to tell you everything about me.
Everything that you needed to know. 
I want to tell you how my world stops whenever I'm talking to you
and how my heart sings in joy whenever you say something sweet.
I really wanted to tell you everything but there's just no way to, is there?

C'est la vie

Have you ever been in a situation wherein you thought that the thing you really really want was just within your reach?
That you just have to stretch your hand a little far so you can have it.

But turns out that it was just playing with you all along.
You feel cheated because this thing that you really really want,
in reality is far beyond your reach.

You can never have it at any cost.
And it sucks. And it hurts.
But you can't do anything about it.
Not even crying, can make you feel any better.
In fact it just gotten worse every second. Every minute.

Yes, C'est la vie.

Love Hurts

Love
 I've got my own description with this word,

and it's a little different to the way others see it.

Love is beautiful, yes i concur with that idea, but when this

thing starts to hurt, the first thing we wanna do is quit...

quit before it gets worse.

to run away from it as far as possible.

to hide from the harm and the damage it may further cause...

to your heart...

to your being...

to the whole you.

Because you know that if you do not protect your self from this pain,

you will never be the same again.

Everything won't be back to the way it was before.

You'll be in misery.

But you also know that if you run away, the effect is the same.

You also won't be fine.

Thing aren't also going to be the same again.

You'll also be in a complete despair.

In a deep sadness.

The wanting and longing will drive you into insanity.

Will cause you pain that you never knew exist.

It will reap your heart into pieces.

No, I'm not talking metaphorically here.

You know that the pain it'll bring will shred your heart into tiny pigments.

You won't gonna bleed but you can't escape from the excruciating pain it'll bring.

So you see, you really don't have any option in love.

Either you deal with the pain, or let the pain destroy you.

Secretly In Love

I always want a secret relationship.
A private and not a public one where everyone has to know.
Only few is informed. Only those that matter.
And when people ask me, I will not say that I am single nor will I deny the fact that I’m taken.
Not everyone has to know with who and what goes on between us. 
I think the quietest relationships last the longest just because the number one thing that ruins relationships are other people with their big mouth and their irrelevant opinions.

Dream from Hell

I had a dream last night,
which until now keeps on playing in my head vividly.
It was kinda sad because it involved people who shouldn't be there.

I dont get why must I dream such dream.
whenever i think of it, i can feel the pain inside me.

It wasn't right.
There was something wrong with that dream.
'twas certainly a dream from hell.
Crap!

I was honest to you.
I have loved you with every bit of me.
Every fiber of me.
I opened up to you wholeheartedly.
I respected you, so much na kahit nasasaktan mo ko i couldn't bring myself to hate you cause i thought you would never mean to hurt me.

Pinagtatanggol kita kasi akala ko kilala kita. And i thought you were always honest with me.
but now im wondering, do i even know you at all.
Everything i believe in about you just crashed.
Everything i have in us just gone.
EVERYTHING.

Every wonderful things to remember is gone.
It's like some part of my past was erased. Stolen.
Some things in my memory clearly didn't happen.
because all of them are lies.
And it hurts so much being played like that.

I'm hurt, insulted and offended.

You were always the one who made me feel like shit.
ALWAYS.

and now, i can bluntly say, I HATE YOU.

Forget the distance

I may be miles away from you, but it doesn't mean that the distance will make me stop loving you.
I know that being away is difficult, but i'll try my best and everything to make things work for us.
Don't mind the distance. Forget about the miles.

One day we will see each other. It may be sooner, may be later.
I don't mind.
As long as you keep holding on, I will too.
And if that day comes I know it will be the day that we both won't forget.

For now, I'm gonna endure missing you.

This is kinda pissing, right?

I mean, ok, someone has a crush on me, so what?

Why the heck do you need to tell me?

and why the heck do you need to repeat it again?

Do you think i'd go crazy and gaga with your information?

Should I ask for his name and his number?

Nah, I'm not a bit interested.

And it’s kinda hard when you are hurting and you can’t just tell the other person because you might hurt that person too.

It’s not easy when you pretend everyday that you are fine and you’re happy but in reality, it hurts all the way.

This is what I fear the most. Opening up to other person, making that person see and get inside of you, giving access to your vulnerability and then the next thing you’ll know you’re hurting like crap.